Micah 6:8

Missionaries and Evangelism

I found an interesting blog today. I absolutely love missionary blogs especially ones like this one from missionaries that have gained a real perspective on what Christianity is really about. They give me such encouragement. One day we hope to end up in the developing world as long term medical missionaries, hopefully healing the body and soul. In the meantime I'll have to get my fill from blogging missionaries. If you know of any good ones please let me know.

One particularly interesting blog post on Kevin from South America's blog, entitled, "On Being Light" was quite challenging to me. My heart longs to go out into the streets here and spread the light like Kevin did in a slum of a mega-city in South America. I know that what he did there could just as easily be done here. I don't need to go overseas to share the gospel. Honestly, I'm afraid. I don't know how to approach people and start conversations. I'm bursting at the seems to share the wonderful gospel with people but I don't know how to start. Do any of you have experience with this sort of evangelism?

My Secret Sin

Confession time! Recently I've been convicted about a certain little sin of mine. Unless you know me really well this one might come as a surprise to you. I struggle with gluttony. I'm not sure if the bible actually specifically mentions it anywhere but I've been convicted about my uncontrolled eating habits. I know that they don't compare at all to other people's problems with food but it's still sin. Often I don't know how to stop eating before I'm quite full and if there are sweets or yummy carbs around it's almost impossible for me to say no. I think that the only real reason that I'm not fat is that I keep the sweets out of the house and try to avoid cooking high fat meals. I've found ways to avoid temptations but not ways to say no when temptations are in front of me. The problem is that food is everywhere. I can't make vegetable soup for dinner every night because my ultra skinny husband would waste away to nothing. I imagine that this is what lust is to some men. Somehow I need to win this battle and let the Spirit's fruit of self-control satisfy me instead.

There are a few problems that I see in this kind of behaviour. First, I'm not in control of myself; the appetite controls me. I want nothing to be my master besides God. Secondly, it's not good stewardship of God's resources. We has entrusted me with a certain amount of money and I am obligated to share that where ever I can. Eating more food then I need means that others can not eat instead. Thirdly, it just not healthy. As I get older my body is pushing to put on weight and I have to fight it.

I know that some people out there think that airing dirty underwear on ones blog is tacky but I've chosen to share this about myself because I know that others have this same problem and because I want people to know that I am real.

Obedience without Love

I’ve realized again recently that what I need is not more good deeds but more love for God. Then good deeds will flow out of that. I was a bit distressed when I can back to the realization that my love for God had waned a bit and that I was yet again trying to compensate by zealously doing “good deeds”. My heart has not fully been on God and I’ve been soothing my conscience by trying to do more. I frequently fall into this trap. This was the trap that Martha had fallen into when she tried to pull her sister away from the feet of Jesus. It was the trap that Paul had fallen into before he was converted. For a lot of people the more common trap is just to not obey. For me my common trap is to obey (although obviously not completely) without love. I need to remember the words of God that follow:

If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing. 1 Cor 13:1-3

It makes me sad when I acknowledge this because there is nothing that I can do to create love within myself. I don’t really know how to swallow this. How do I surrender this? I can surrender physical things but I don’t know how to surrender pride and arrogance. I do love some. I know that God has given me that strength but how do I radically love?

10 Year Christian Birthday

My 10 year christian (re)birthday will be on Monday. It's so crazy for me to realize how long it has been. I feel a bit ashamed though at how little I have to show for it. I know that by the grace of God I've matured a bunch but I really haven't effected change in many people as far as I can tell. I've been thinking about how short life really is. I probably only have another 40 or so years left to make a difference that will last for eternity. In ten years I'd like to look back and see a lot acomplished for my time spent. I owe it to God. His kingdom is worth all the work and sacrifice that I can give. Pray for me if you don't mind that I might get more nerve and the determination to do the work that I ought to be doing.

Trust and Sacrifice

Joel and I are in Powell River right now. He's doing an elective here to get some experience in rural family medicine. We'll be here for the rest of September. I decided to come with him even though I'm bored that's a whole lot better then being lonely. I think that the kids have also adjusted to the transition better then they would have adjusted to being without Joel for a month.

Overall I'm happy to be here but it's been a bit challenging because we've been without Christian community. Consequently I think that my devotion has wained a bit. I think that this is probably because I'm not doing any sort of active ministry or active sacrifice. I don't have anything in my immediate environment that I need to trust God for because I'm not in a position where I am doing anything that I can't do on my own strength. Clearly I always need to trust him for salvation but I think that he demands radical trust and devotion. I think that one of the greatest temptations that Satan gives us to settle for a lifestyle that doesn't require daily trust in Jesus.

I know for myself that I'm scared to death of evangelizing strangers. I really want to change this but most of the time I just don't think about and I avoid it. This means that I don't learn to trust God. Other people fear giving up all their creature comforts so they avoid thinking about the fact that Jesus wants us to sacrifice everything. We really can do all things through Christ who strengthens us but we're usually not ready to trust.

Trust, sacrifice and kingdom building go hand in hand. Honestly, most people can learn to be nice decent people without too much help from God. No one though can become or live as a disciple, a true minister or soldier of God without his help. Things that I do without trust are in vain. When I really think about it's pretty sad how few things I do in trust. Honestly, it's probably only a few times per month that I take a leap of faith and do something that scares me only because God wants me to. I'd love to do this daily. May God have mercy on my soul.

Evangelism

There is a very thought provoking essay over on the Internet Monk's blog about non-Christians and how Christians typically respond to them. I appreciated this appraisal of the non-Christians:

The people I know are consumers, not seekers. They consume entertainment, movies, personal events, possessions, experiences and relationships. The idea that God has a claim on them is comprehensible, but virtually meaningless. What they want and what they need is in this world, and is not on the other side of a prayer.

I also agreed with him here:

Today's young people are bored with God. They are not "seeking" God at all, but are living on the hardened surface of a fallen human experience, seeking to make sense of what is incomprehensible apart from Christ. We cannot "create" interest apart from the work of the Spirit. Our calling to be witnesses is not to approach the world like cattle to be herded, but as persons to be loved in the way God loves this fallen world through Jesus Christ.

The first thing that this essay got me thinking about was how I need to be more involved with evangelism. I think that the gimmicky evangelism that he talks about is easier then real relationship based evangelism because then people have less fear of being criticized. Let me explain. If you have a real relationship with someone then telling them that you think that their whole life is headed in the wrong direction takes courage and firm faith that your position is correct. If on the other hand you herd some people into your building for a harvest festival and then put tracts in the goody bags you've expended no risk. If someone doesn't like the tract then they just won't come back the next year. I think that my lack of courage has to do with the fact that I lack strong faith. If I really deeply believed that I held the key information that could change a person's life and eternity then I would have no shame in or problem letting everybody know.

Another thing that I thought about was how too often my spirituality is selfishly motivated. I seek personal transformation so that I can get along better with others. I continue believing in God and the hope that he gives because if I didn't then I would fall into a horrible depression that would likely end in suicide. Once in a while I actually do something just for God but frankly this is rare. My faith is too consumeristic. I guess that this is just a part of the fall and shows yet again how desperately I depend on God's forgiveness and mercy.

I suspect that a lot of other people in the church are involved because it at the moment that is what is the most satisfying thing to do. Once something better comes along they will move on. I think that this is probably why people who seem to be super committed Christians can walk away. Their faith was never truly faith but being a Christian was pragmatic in a worldly sense for a time and then it became pragmatic to leave it behind. I wonder how many people would continue to self-identify as Christian if there was serious persecution in our countries. I bet that that would drive out out the uncommitted. Maybe we should pray that it would come.

The Ironies of Life

While I was shopping yesterday, I saw a bumper sticker on the back of a new SUV that said, "It is a poverty to decide that a child must die so that you may live as you wish. - Mother Teresa". We don't have a large pro-life population around here so it stood out to me. I wanted to know whose vehical it was and encourage them to keep on fighting. When I mentioned it to Joel, he pointed out the irony in the fact that the money used to buy their vehical could have gone to save the lives of children. As a consequence of the way that they are choosing to live, people are not being helped that otherwise could have been. Potentially, children are dying that could have otherwise been saved.

I think that this illustrates my feelings that the pro-life community should be more holistic in it's approach. Really I think that all Christians, not just the pro-life community, has the responsibility to do as much as it can for those in need. I'm anti-abortion but also anti-war and anti-poverty. How can we really claim to care about life when we're not willing to acknowledge that our own actions, or lack of action, affects the well being of others? Of course we all screw up and hurt others but more specifically I'm thinking about how our use of resources can significantly impact the lives of others. Five dollars can feed a family for a day or buy you a Starbucks coffee or a meal at McDonalds. I struggle with using my time to bring glory to God. I'm much too lazy. There are a lot of good things that I could be doing to help others that I never seem to be able to commit to doing. None of us are perfect but let us not give up seeking to be so.

Be perfect, therefore, as your heavenly Father is perfect. Matt 5:48

Anyone, then, who knows the good he ought to do and doesn't do it, sins. James 4:17

Doing What's Right (but not for the right reasons)

I had a fight with my husband today. I was being ridiculously stubborn. For those of you that know me that probably doesn't come as a surprise. I had been a little rough with one of our kids and he told me that I needed to apologize to her. Well, I set my heels in and refused. We had a discussion about it in private and where I continued to be stubborn. He asked me if I thought that I was acting in a Christ-like manner in the way that I was treating him and Faith and I went so far as to say that I didn't know how Christ would respond in the situation. It wasn't until he told me that I was really upsetting him because I'd never lied to him like that before that I snapped to my seances. I apologized (to him and Faith) and made things right.

Through this fight I realized that I often don't care as much about God's feelings about my behaviour as I do about Joel's. I wonder how much of my good behavior is a result of my selfish motivation to have a happy marriage and other happy relationships and how much is based on my love of God. This incident seems to suggest the former. I think that my selfish desire to win the fight overruled my desire for a pleasant relationship with Joel or God. It wasn't because of Joel's reminder that I was acting un-Christlike that I apologized it was because I was reminded that I was damaging my relationship with Joel.

Walking with Jesus is hard. I feel depressed sometimes when I realize how sinful I still am. It's sure a beautiful thing to remember his awesome grace.

Poor are Amongst Us

One thing that I never realized before recently is that there is real poverty here in North America. I assumed that people that struggled to feed themselves had made previous bad decisions that left them in bad space. I was recently awoken to the fact that I had been very wrong in my assumption.

Joel and I used to live in on the top floor of a house. While we were living there we had some refugee couple move in below us. The man, Ali, was from Iran and his girl friend Christina was from Mexico. We got to know them and have a built a friendship with them. Ali and Christina recently separated. When Christina left Mexico she had to leave her children behind with her mother. They just arrived yesterday after 14 months. Christina is in a very difficult situation now. Her children are just here as visitors so she will get no aid from the government for them. She only works 14 hours per week for minimum wage. Welfare will see that she gets at $510/month but that's not enough for family when that is probably the cheapest you can rent a one bedroom apartment for. Her English is pretty good but she has had trouble finding more work because she doesn't have Canadian experience and she has an accent. Her children won't be able to go to school here because they are only visitors so she will also have to consider child care while she is working. At the end of the month she has to find a place to live that will accept her children because she can't afford her current place now that she has separated from Ali. I don't know how she is going to manage. It was tough enough for me to find a job as Canadian. It's also quite difficult to find a place to rent when you have children. She said that when she called and told them that she had children they said, "no children, no pets". She thought that it was great how her children were considered equal to animals.

This situation has left me realizing just how fat and happy my life really is. I will probably never have to flee the country. I'll probably won't be away from my children for a over a year. I will probably also be able to eat as much as I want. I will probably never even need to get a job again. There are people within our midst that need our help, love and support. The poor are not just out there in Africa but they are right here. I can't sit on my money, time or other resources when there are people that God loves suffering that I can help. You can help these types of people too. Don't just send your old clothes to refugee centres. Go to a centre and meet some people and invite them for dinner. Build a friendship with a refugee. Become vulnerable and pour your life into these people. As a bonus, a lot of refugees are well educated and can offer a two way friendship. Please consider helping someone in a meaningful way today.

Deficiencies Within Myself

In my last entry I went into detail about deficiencies within the church. I don't want this blog to be about just pointing fingers and complaining so I think that I better confess that I'm not perfect in these areas either (as though you couldn't have guessed that).

Joel and I have sort of explored some of the categories mentioned in the last post at different stages in our life. When we went to a church with sketchy theology we explored what orthodoxy really is and ended up leaving the church. I think that we have a pretty good idea of what we believe and I'm pretty sure that we're orthodox. Although, no one thinks that they are unorthodox.

For the last two years we've really been focusing on social justice. We realized just how little we'd been paying attention to plight of the poor and needy. We've been trying to change our lives in order to share more of our resources with those in need. Also, we've been volunteering with the Canadian Centre for Bioethical Reform to defend the rights of the unborn. As you might have noticed this is a pretty big focus of my blog.

Lately we've been looking a little more closely at what true community should involve. I don't have the answers for this one and I think that I'm pretty weak in this regard. I try to be a good friend to people but I get irritated with people really easily and so I like to keep my distance. I know that this something that I need to work on more. I need to be willing to put myself out more (without resenting it) and be more vulnerable with my church.

I've come a good ways in regards to moral purity but I have a lot more work to do. I don't struggle with sexual purity; my main vice is my anger. I'd love to get this under control. In a way I feel like it takes over control of me in certain situations. I can repent as whole heartedly as I can but then yell at Joel again the next day. I don't know how to change more fully. I can't wait until someone writes a book titled "The 5 keys towards overcoming anger". Then I'll be free.

I also am really poor in the area of evangelism. I've witnessed to people before but I don't feel comfortable knowing how confrontational I should be. Also, is it appropriate to approach strangers and try to strike up a conversation with them? How much should I be willing to offend people?

I hope that this gives you a better idea of where I'm coming from.